Anti-Love Potion No 6
by CeliaEquus
Summary: After his offer of lunch is rejected, Phil rids himself of his feelings for Steve once and for all using a tonic cooked up by R&D. Steve, unaware that it was supposed to be a date, goes to ask Phil to dinner... minutes after Phil has 'cured' himself. Oh noes! Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, or any other Marvel thingummies, nor am I making money from this.


"Anti-Love Potion No. 6"

"You're going to tell him?" Natasha asked as she held Steve down on the training mat, one arm over his throat and a knee between his legs.

"He probably doesn't feel—"

"He does," she said.

"How do you know?"

She grimaced when he caught her by the waist and then threw her to the other side of the mat. "I know him."

"Did he actually say that he likes me, or are you going by the whole Captain America fanboy infatuation?"

"Coulson respects the Captain America legend," Natasha said, walking over to the bench and grabbing a towel. "You, however, are someone else entirely. It's you he has a crush on."

"Is it really just a crush?" Steve asked softly, and he took a long swig from his bottle of water. His team-mate eyed him.

"I can see past only a few of his layers," she said. "Not all. That is something you must ask him yourself."

"When I ask him out to dinner. Okay." He slung his towel around his shoulders. "A shower, then I'll get dressed."

"Come to your room first. I will find suitable clothes."

He made a face, but accepted that she would know what was best. And it was only late morning, not even lunch-time yet. He had time.

* * *

Phil Coulson wished that there was a warning on the bottle. Something about the sickening sweet taste of the potion as it slid along his tongue; something about the way it seemed to strip warmth from his body; something about the mild headache that lasted for at least five minutes. At the end of it, he pulled out the small deck of cards that Steve had signed for him after it was revealed that, no, Phil had never actually died, and that Loki had stabbed an advanced form of hologram. Something the director called a Life Model Decoy, and something that Phil called fucking disconcerting when faced with its corpse.

After a few seconds, he fully expected to experience that swooping feeling in his stomach whenever he thought about Steve Rogers. Maybe it was because he was looking at pictures of Captain America?

So he logged onto SHIELD's server and pulled up image after image of Steve, both in uniform and in civvies, exercising shirtless in the gym (Phil had been there that day, and that'd been painful). Nope. No inconvenient physical reactions; not even a blush. He felt nothing for the captain anymore. Some faint respect, and the knowledge that he was likeable. Mostly, he felt indifference.

It was strange, yet he didn't feel bereft. On the contrary, he felt almost light, and was gladdened by the knowledge that he wouldn't be making an idiot of himself over that stupid crush any longer. When he'd asked the man out to lunch a week ago, and was politely turned down, he decided to turn to the new potion Tony and Bruce had created with R&D, to end debilitating crushes. To be more accurate, end Amora's obsession with Thor and get her to leave them alone. Anti-Love Potion No. 6, they'd called it, despite the seventeen various mixtures they'd tried before hitting on the successful formula.

Well, he could tell them that it worked like a charm.

He'd just sent off an email, carbon copied to Bruce and Tony, when there was a knock at his door. Phil sighed, logged off, and went to answer.

It was Steve, his former crush. In person, there was nothing there. Not anymore. He was so relieved that he even smiled. There wasn't even a twinge when Steve smiled back.

"Can I come in?" Steve asked.

"Of course, captain," Phil said, standing back to let him pass. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wonder… What's that?"

"What's what?" Then Phil realised that Steve was staring at the empty bottle with the large number six stamped on the label. "Oh. It's, uh…"

Steve picked it up. "I thought it was just a rumour," he said. "This isn't what I think it is, is it?"

"What do you think it is, Captain Rogers?"

"The… the potion that gets rid of any love you have for another person."

"Anti-Love Potion No. 6. That's correct."

"Potion," Steve said, and he sneered as he set it back on the table. He half-turned to Phil. "It's a poison. Any drink that does bad things is a poison, no matter whether it's fatal or not. You didn't… you didn't take it, did you?"

"Yes."

"…Did it work?"

"Of course. Stark has too much pride to put a faulty product on the market."

Steve shook his head slowly. "I can't believe it."

"My… feelings were making things awkward whenever we spoke, captain, and it made me just as uncomfortable as I'm sure it made you. Taking the potion was the obvious choice. I'm sorry if this has made things even more awkward. That wasn't my intention. Captain? Steve?"

Steve's gaze was still fixed on the bottle. His large shoulders slumped.

"It's okay," he mumbled. Clearly it wasn't.

"What did you want to ask me?" Phil said, determined to change the atmosphere. It wasn't Steve's fault that Phil had developed unrequited feelings for him, and it certainly wasn't his fault that Phil had not only done something about it, but that Steve now knew about both the crush and the potion.

"It doesn't matter," Steve said dully, and he strode to the door. He came to a halt there, and looked back at Phil. The agent studied Steve's expression: drawn eyebrows, down-turned mouth, pursed lips, and sad eyes. He felt a stab of anxiety that he had disappointed the man he still admired platonically.

But then Steve was gone, and Phil was alone once more.

* * *

Natasha, Clint, and Thor were gathered around Steve's place in the middle of the sofa, where he was trying to draw something, anything, even a speck of dust, and all he could do was stare at the blank page.

How could Phil have done such a stupid, risky, selfish thing? All right, R&D said it was safe, Tony and Bruce said it was safe, and Phil had taken the potion because he believed that he was making Steve uncomfortable. Honestly, Steve didn't have any idea that Phil had had a crush on him! Was that why he'd asked him to lunch last Thursday? Was it meant to be a date? Why hadn't he said yes?

Because he was an idiot, that's why. He'd moved too slowly, waited too long. It'd taken a sparring match with Natasha to convince him to try his luck. How late had he been? Was it only a few minutes? An hour? A day, and Phil hadn't thrown out the bottle yet?

When Steve came out of his stupor, he noticed that his page was obsessively covered with question marks. Just question marks. No wonder his friends looked so worried.

"What?" he asked.

"Should I ask how it went with Coulson?" Natasha asked. Steve didn't even have the energy to scowl. He frowned as deeply as he could, though.

"He doesn't have feelings for me," he said.

"Of course he does," Clint said. "The way he looks at you, always offers you help, tries to spend time with you… How could you not have seen it?"

"I don't know," Steve said, sinking back into the cushions. The pencil broke in his hand, and he stared at the splintered wood. "But trust me; he doesn't have even a crush on me. I don't think he cares about me at all."

"Now I know that's not true," Natasha said, arms crossed as she studied him. "What did he say?"

"I never actually got around to asking him… Don't give me that look, Romanov! I know what I'm talking about. He doesn't want me in a more-than-friendly way." He threw the broken pencil aside and tossed the sketchpad to the floor. "He took that stupid elixir SHIELD brewed up like the Marx Brothers in _A Night at the Opera_."

"Who took the number six?" Tony asked, strolling into the room, drink in hand and Bruce at his side. The doctor frowned.

"Are we selling it commercially?" he asked. "I was under the impression that it was for SHIELD use only."

"Well, Agent Coulson works for SHIELD, so I guess it's all right, then," Steve said bitterly. He kicked the sketchpad away, and it landed at Thor's feet. The 'god' picked it up, and began to flip through the pages while the others argued.

"These drawings are very good indeed," Thor said, the timbre of his voice enough to shut the others up. "You would make an excellent court painter, Steven."

"Thanks," he muttered.

"The care you have taken in every stroke, to ensure that you have captured your subject just so—"

"All for nothing," Steve said. In an instant, he was in front of Thor, and he tore the book to shreds, including every one of the sketches. "I was going to show it to Phil one day, so he'd know just how I felt, if I ever got up the courage. But it was too late. He asked me out the one day I had off to work on this, and I turned him down in favour of some stupid… stupid drawings. He must've thought…" He shook his head fiercely. "This is… I'm done with it. It wasn't meant to be. I'm taking a walk."

"Wait, Cap," Bruce said, trying to grab his arm. Steve shrugged him off.

* * *

Bruce looked at Tony. The engineer stared back at him, looking just as horrified as Bruce felt.

"This wasn't meant to happen," Bruce said. "It was supposed to be a weapon to use against—"

"I know," Tony said. He glanced at the others. "Uh… In our defence, we had no idea that he could access the tonic, or that he'd do anything like this."

"We do not blame you, Tony," Thor said. "Yet we cannot deny that this potion were better left never created. I would rather submit to Amora than see my friends in pain and torn asunder."

"They were never together," Clint said, and he shrugged. "Guess it won't happen at all now, unless you two can brew up a remedy."

"No more potions," Natasha said fiercely. She glared at each of them, before striding over to Bruce and Tony. "It may have removed his feelings for Steve. But will it prevent them from returning, should Steve court him?"

Bruce shrugged. "No reason why not. But… Hang on."

He grabbed Tony's arm and pulled him aside, out of earshot of the others.

"What is it?" Tony asked. He still looked haunted.

"You remember our sixth try?" Bruce said. "There was one part of the formula we noted down, and ended up adding to the last few potions, including the one that worked, because it provided an out?"

"An out? Oh, you mean the reversal element?" Bruce nodded. Tony's genius mind worked it out in seconds, and he grinned. "Great. Now we've just gotta catch Capsicle, tell him how to rev—"

"Are you done yet?" Natasha called, her voice tight.

"Good news, guys," Tony said, turning to face them. "Brucey remembered our little fairytale add-in. Care to explain, oh lab partner of mine?"

"Yeah, so long as you suit up and find Steve before he gets too far," Bruce said. Tony's smile dimmed slightly, and he nodded.

"Roger that," he said, and he ran out of the room, while Bruce returned to the others.

* * *

Steve knocked at Phil's door the next day. He'd roamed the city `til late at night, leaving his phone behind so the others couldn't trace him. He'd stuck to places where no one would ever think to look for him, or where there weren't any CCTV cameras. Despite his size, he could be just as sneaky as any SHIELD agent.

Not that he wanted to be thinking about SHIELD agents at the time.

Back at the tower, he'd found his team-mates in a flap. As soon as he walked in the foyer, they were on him in seconds, Tony in his Iron Man suit and Bruce's eyes with a tinge of hazel in them.

"We feared that harm had befallen you," Thor said, giving Steve a one-armed hug. "And we had only good tidings to share with you!"

"This whole day has just been some kind of nightmare?" Steve said.

"Nope, but it can become a dream come true, if you just get to SHIELD right now," Tony said.

"Sir," JARVIS piped up, "Agent Coulson is asleep in his quarters, and Captain Rogers has been out in the city much of the day. Perhaps it would be best to wait until the morning?"

"It's not like I need sleep," Steve said.

"But Phil does," Clint said. "JARVIS is right. Let's go upstairs, and the genius scientists can explain in the elevator. Plus," he added as the lift doors opened, "Phil should brush his teeth so there won't be any traces."

"It'll still be inside him."

"Well." He glanced at Bruce and Tony. "That shouldn't be a problem."

Steve looked from one of his smiling team-mates to the other, and a single heartbeat had whispered a pulse of hope.

Now he stood before Phil for the second time in twenty-four hours. The agent had a tie around his neck, not yet tied.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Can we talk?"

Phil sighed, but he nodded. "Come on in. Do you mind if I finish getting ready?"

"No, no," Steve said, making shooing motions, and immediately feeling ridiculous. "Go right ahead. I'll just, uh…" He shut the door. "About yesterday."

"What about yesterday?" Phil asked. He referred to a mirror as he wound the tie around his neck.

"The potion. Did you take it because of me?"

Phil paused, and looked at Steve in the mirror's reflection. "Yes."

"You took it because you liked me?"

"Yes, and not in a platonic way."

"So you had a crush."

"Yes."

Steve hummed. "And it worked?"

"It did." Phil picked up his watch and slipped it on. "Why are you asking, Steve?"

"…Why are you only now using my Christian name?"

Phil shrugged, and leaned against his dresser. "Before, I was too nervous to." He laughed. "I might have blurted out my feelings, and that would've been bad."

"No, it wouldn't," Steve said softly. "And I wish you had. Told me your feelings, I mean." Phil raised an eyebrow. "I like you. I really like you. Your feelings are— your former feelings are reciprocated. They have been, for months."

Phil looked confused. "Then why… I mean, I asked you out last week. Why did you reject me?"

Steve scrubbed at his face. "It doesn't matter. The point is, nothing should have been more important than going out with you. If I'd known it was supposed to be a date…"

"I didn't make that clear, I'll admit. My plan was to be your friend, and see where it went from there. Being your friend was the second best thing." Steve scuffed the carpet with the toe of his right sneaker. "I'm sorry. When you visited yesterday…"

"I was going to ask you out to dinner."

Phil bumped into his dresser when he stook a step backwards, and skittered forward, glancing back at the furniture and frowning. When he turned back to Steve and saw how close they were, he didn't seem to know what to do with himself.

"I don't know how to feel about this," he said. "I apologise for hurting you, but that was never my intention."

"You made that clear yesterday, believe me."

"Steve…" He sighed. "I honestly don't have those feelings for you anymore. I regret taking the potion now, only because I'm aware that I did care for you once, and you've told me that my feelings weren't unrequited. If I could turn back time, I would. The point of all of this was to… to…" He ran his hands down the front of his face. Steve grabbed Phil's wrists, and moved them down to hang by his sides.

"I think I can help with that," he murmured. "At least I hope to God that Bruce and Tony are right."

"About what?" Phil asked, wary.

"They say that… if the feelings are returned, the effects of the potion can be reversed with a kiss. I've seen enough crazy things – even been a part of them – to believe that a fairytale ending isn't impossible." Phil glanced down. "It's worth a try, at least. So… can I kiss you, Phil?"

He nodded.

Steve cupped his chin and tilted his head up. Rather than going straight for the lips, he started with each cheek, each eyelid, the corners of Phil's mouth… and then he went for gold.

* * *

Warmth. It wasn't just being in Steve's arms, pressed up against his body. Phil could feel it under his skin, in his muscles, in his very blood. The faint iciness which had been present when Steve visited slowly melted away, and he sagged in the captain's arms, barely keeping hold of his shoulders. His heart-rate sped up, and the butterflies in his stomach reawakened. It felt like an age had passed between the seconds before he took the potion and this… whatever this was… taking place.

It wasn't until he was about to pass out from lack of oxygen that Steve finally lifted his head away. He kept holding Phil, though, for which the latter was infinitely grateful.

"I don't want to rush you," Steve said. "And I'll probably regret asking this so soon… but how do you feel?"

Phil shook his head, staring at his hero in amazement, even as the man's face began to fall. "Like the past twenty-four hours never happened." Steve's eyes met his, gradually widening. "Would you like to join me for lunch today?"

Steve gaped for a couple of seconds, and then smiled. "Only if you have dinner with me tonight."

Phil sighed in relief. "It's a date."

"No," Steve said, and he tugged Phil closer. "It's two."

* * *

**I put something roughly resembling this plot on the kink meme once, and no one took me up on it. Since I have no idea which round it was in, and since I can't remember all of the details anyway, I feel that I can safely say it's not a self-fill. I don't know.**

**Point is, ponies.**

**Uh, and this is for Capsicoul Day, on July the sixth. Apparently. That is the proposed date.**

**A 6 is an inverted 9!**


End file.
